American Horror Story Hotel 5.12 Review: Be Our Guest

At the end of last week's superb episode, 'Battle Royale, I wondered whether or not American Horror Story Hotel and any further story to tell. Unfortunately, 'Be Our Guest', made it abundantly clear it did not.

Iris and Liz (the only two left living), were desperately attempting to re-vamp the hotel to get more clients but those pesky ghosts kept murdering all their guests, particularly Sally and Will for some reason. Neither were willing to stop killing, wither, until March stepped in and told them all they needed to do was to ensure that the Hotel Cortez was still standing by 2026 (100 years after being built) so that it could qualify to be a world heritage sight, ensuring that they all lived forever. But first they had to convince them to stop murdering people. Cue twenty minutes wasted on two characters I didn't care about getting happy endings. Sally fell in love with the inter webs and became a social media star somehow, and Will entrusted Liz to be the spokesperson for his fashion label outside of the Cortez. And I guess that meant they were back to having avant-garde runway shows while a cover version of 'Nights in White Satin' was playing, so yay?

Despite all their success Liz was still down about Tristan not turning up to have ghost sex with him after dying so Iris hired Billie Dean Howard (a television psychic) to communicate with him. Tristan didn't want to talk though, but Billie got in touch with Donovan instead who said that his heaven was Iris' pancakes. Cue Iris' happy ending. After being apart of the joy that is cutting the umbilical cord of your granddaughter, Liz announced to all her ghost pals at the Cortez some time later that she was ding from prostate cancer (now that was funny!) and wanted them to kill her so that she could eternally live in the hotel with her 'family'. It was all very touching, especially when The Countess, who no one had seen in years, showed up to kindly do the honours and kill her. With her corpse barely cold, Tristan showed up to welcome her to the afterlife. Cue Liz's happy ending.

Billie Dean's involvement in the hotel however, with her three television specials, have started to bring unwanted guests to the hotel (these ghosts are so picky!) so on one Devil's Night John tells Iris to invite Billie to speak with him as he has been of interest to her for sometime. John explains to her what happened to him and his family after the end of his Ten Commandments killings, explaining that he Alex and Holden moved into the hotel while Scarlett went away to boarding school (with Will's son no less), until John was shot dead by the police one day outside of the hotel. John brings Billie as a party favour to Devil's night where him, March, and the other serial killers tell her to never mention the Cortez to anyone ver again or she would be tracked down and killed by Romana. Later that night, an adult Scarlett comes and visits her undead family as they sleep. Cue a happy ending for the Lowe's!

March described the Ten Commandment killings as an epilogue to his years of murder early in the episode, and much like that storyline, Hotel's final episode ultimately came across as hazardous, and ultimately unnecessary. Did these specific characters need such final (happy, nonetheless) moments in audiences eyes? I think if I ever re-watch the series I'll think as last week as the finale.

Rating: 2.5/5

The Big Bang Theory 9.12 Review: The Sales Call Sublimation

It's always hard for large ensemble sitcoms to successfully navigate multiple plot-lines, but it's made even harder for The Big Bang Theory by the fact that Sheldon is the unspoken lead character in the series. This means, as exemplified by 'The Sales Call Sublimation', that even if his character is stuck with a particularly lifeless lot with no potential (sorry Raj), that that storyline will become the A plot regardless. This was really unfortunate in 'The Sales Call Sublimation' because it should have been all about Penny and Leonard and how Leonard's innocent trip to a psychiatrist (for Penny) brought up more than a few problems for them.

Since Amy was away at a neurobiology conference Sheldon was free to spend the weekend as he pleased, so as Sheldon does he agrees to help Raj go through data in the telescope lab. This resulted in them discovering a medium-sized asteroid, and apparently laughter was meant to ensue from them trying to agree on a name for it, with Sheldon trying to remove Raj from the equation all the while.

At the Wolowitzs', as Howard and Bernadette prepared for their house renovations (is this really a plot?) Stuart awkwardly announces that he's found a place of his own and is moving out. Stuart is unfortunately a character the writers of the series have never known what do do with and subsequently has become a cliche of running gags about a creepy middle-aged nerd (he watches them while they sleep!). I will be sad, because his departure probably means seeing less of him, but at the same time that's probably better for his character at this stage. Howard and Bernadette's parent-esque reaction to his departure could be seen coming a mile a away.

Penny enlists Leonard's help in trying to persuade a potential client, physiatrist Dr. Gallo (an underused Jane Kaczmarek), to purchase stress-relive pharmaceuticals on her behalf, but the plan backfires when Dr. Gallo tells Leonard that she's read his mother's book and disagreed with a lot of her theories. The fact that Penny would even ask Leonard to do such a thing is outrageous, but the fact that it delved into some of their character/ relationship problems is always welcome in my eyes. Dr. Gallo's observation that Leonard could potentially be trying to replace his mother with Penny as an unobtanable love interest is an interesting viewpoint on their relationship. The pair have never exactly 'worked' as a couple, but I've always been quick to blame Penny, but this idea goes someway to explaining why they might be together in the first place. Unfortunately, as is the problem with all sitcoms, assumedly all of this will be forgotten be next week's episode, which is a shame because it would be nice to see them try and do something (anything!) with the boringness that is Lenny, and perhaps try and do something better for Jane Kaczmarek.

Rating: 2/5

Dexter Review (8.12 Rememeber The Monsters?)

Dexter wrapped up its eight season run on Sunday night, and much like the response to the series' later seasons (since that infamous Season 4 final) the finale was a very confounding end to a once great television series.

This season has largely focused on, or has at least attempted to, highlight Dexter's evolution from an emotionless serial killer, governed only by a code instilled to him by his father, into a man who no longer feels the need to kill, and feels a stronger pull towards the relationships he shares with his loved ones.

Unfortunately, the finale continued to do what Dexter, as a character and as a show in general, has struggled to do for this entire final season - make up it's mind on exactly what it wants to say about the titular hero. At the end of last week's episode it looked like Dexter had put down his knives for good, leaving his sister Deb to handle serial killer Daniel Saxon (a.k.a. The Brain Surgeon), while he, his girlfriend Hannah, and his son Harrison, looked set to fly of into the sunset to Argentina to start a new life together. But that was before Saxon fatally shot Deb and escaped. And once again audiences had to endure Hall's Dexter making up his decision, and then changing his mind again, on whether he was able to leave Saxon behind and move on, or make one last kill.

What made the choice particularly more frustrating in this episode is that their really wasn't one. If Dexter truly is all about family now, as his actions would have you suggest, than staying in Miami (despite the ongoing hurricane) to protect Deb from Saxon was a real no-brainer. Our sub-par villain Saxon obviously knew this too, otherwise why would he be going after Deb at all? One could argue that because his family (or just his mother, Evelyn Vogel) deserted him after discovery his true nature, wherein comparison, Dexter has two women in his life that know his secret, yet still love him would be enough motivation to drive Saxon. The series never really explained this though, so its really up to audiences to decide for themselves.

Not only was Dexter's choice underwhelming, the entire episode overall was very tedious to watch. The continuous attempts by both Dexter and Hannah to keep Elway off of their tracks, Saxon's roaming through a dark clouded Miami, the impending hurricane, it should have been exciting, but it lacked inventiveness and urgency.

While it would have been too much to expect Dexter to also wrap up the storylines of its significant supporting cast, which have been ignored for year, Batista and Quinn got a touching moment with Dexter towards the end of the episode - both accepting Dexter's killing of Saxon in retaliation to Deb's Death.

There were also numerous plot holes, as has become a staple of Dexter in its final season, including but not limited too: Saxon not telling Miami Metro about Dexter, Dexter killing Saxon in the police station, Hannah tranquilising Elway in the middle of a bus, and Dexter taking Deb's body out of the possible.

While one can handle all this, it's difficult to see many fans being able to accept the fate of one Lieutenant Debra Morgan, who for many has been the shows saving grace for the past four seasons. It's not that she died, but that she died the way she did, that makes her characters' end so unsatisfactory. She was shot at the end of the last episode, not in a stand off of epic proportions, but by a bullet haphazardly fired by a fleeing victim. Her doctor was optimistic of her recovery, until - off-screen - she suffered a blood clot as the result from her surgery, and was reduced to a comatose vegetable.

It's understandable that Debra died, if anything was actually made clear in this episode, or this season, its that Dexter's inability to be torn between two lives and world - one as a serial killer, and one as a family man - that those closet to him always end up paying the price for his mistakes, but this isn't something we learned recently, so to have it repeated again feels a little pointless. In the end Dexter pulled the plug on Deb, and I did quite enjoy the significance of him taking her out on his boat and disposing of her as he has done countless times before, it was completely fitting that she was his final victim.

But after all that, was she? Dexter seemingly drove his boat into the impeding hurricane off of the Miami Coast, killing himself and ensuring that the ones he loved would never have to suffer because of him again. Apparently even that is no match for our Dexter though, an epilogue of sorts showing him working in a secluded area as a lumberjack, depression beard and all, indicating he survived and faked his death.

This left Hannah and Harrison to make do on their own in Argentina, Hannah shown to have believed Dexter died in the hurricane, giving audiences very little closure to Dexter in the end.

Rating: 2/5

Californication 6.11 Review: The Abbey

While initially well conceived by wanting to ensure Charlie maintains his job as Atticus's manager Hank and Faith's blatant attempt to destroy any chance of the rock star's sobriety were disheartening to watch, despite the fact anything Californication ever does is meant to be played for laughs. They use Richard Bates, who, by the way, is a very poor excuse for a creative writer teacher to distract Gabriel, sponsor at the rehab centre Happy Endings so that they can get to Atticus. If waving drugs in Atticus's face and using Becca to lie about being a fan of his wasn't enough, the return of the crazy sex addict patient and then Gabriel's own submission back onto drugs was just painful to watch.

Meanwhile, Opheila tries to reconcile with Marcie after having tasered Charlie and Stu. Opheila tells Marcie that she is in love with her and that she wants Marcie to be her first. Marcie declines and goes to leave but Ophelia tasers her. She manages to get a text to Charlie asking for help, but when he arrives Ophelia tasers him as well. Both awaken chained up in Ophelia house and tell one another that they're still in love with each other. Ophelia enters with gardening shears planning to cut off Charlie's penis. Marcie tricks her into thinking she'll do it instead and when Ophelia unites her, she tasers her. Despite Marcie's short foul mouthed speech about what it means to be a feminist this was a very predictable end to a bizarre and disturbing seasons long storyline that unfortunately dragged Marcie's character down quite a bit. Ultimately it was only a matter of time before a Charlie and Marcie reunion but it was a poor effort to Crete genuine feeling and character development out of it though.

Back at Hank's Charlie and Marcie announce they are to be remarried and Atticus, naturally being a minister, tells them he'll do in onstage at one of his concerts on tour. He invites Hank and Faith on the tour as well so that they can continue working in the musical. Afterwards Hank and Karen see Becca off on her literary pilgrimage. Once she has left Karen wonders if Becca was the only thing that was keeping her and Hank together, quite an emotionally poignant end to an otherwise crass episode. While we all know Hank and Karen will reunite at some stage whether or not we'll see it next episode remains to be seen and at least allows a little bit of substance to show through the show.

Rating: 2/5

Supernatural 8.16 Review: Remember The Titans

This marks the second consecutive episode Supernatural has had a stand-alone that has been very poorly linked to the overall seasons arc. Sam and Dean travel to Montana to investigate a man who was seen lying dead on the side of the road by a state trooper only to resussertate and walk away. While Sam and Dean talk to the state trooper, a fax comes through identifying the man he saw, who now dead and in the morgue. Sam and Dean go to the morgue and the man revives again. They take him back to the motel and he's attacked by Artemis, who we later learn is Zeus's daughter, sent to punish Shane, who is actually Prometheus who stopped Zeus from stealing power from all humans. When Hayley, a past lover of Shane's shows up with their son Oliver, she tells them he suffers the same ailment as Shane and wants Sam and Dean to help her cure it. They summon Zeus to do so, but Artemis stops them and takes Sam and Dean away while he tortures Shane in front of Hayley and Oliver. Sam ridicoulously figures out that Artemis and Shane had a fling and he convinces her to help them. In the battle against Zeus Shane sacrifices himself pushing an arrow Artemis shoots through to Zeus and they both die, curing Oliver of Zeus's curse. The villians were unusually large-scale for such a low-key episode, giving it a disjointed feeling. Sam's connection to Shane/ Prometheus though, that he too could die to save the world in his attempt to shut the gates of hell for good, was a weak attempt to make the episode relate back to the overall arc of the season.

Rating: 2/5

American Horror Story Asylum 2.13 Review: Madness Ends

While Lana kept her promise to close down Briarcliff, becoming a renowned television journalist to do so, the fact that it took her so long, and that she only did it to further her career made this episode difficult to watch. During an interview discussing her long career Lana spouts large amounts of exposition about what has happened to her, and the rest of the characters, since she shut down the asylum, and she does her best to play the role of the martyr as she does so. We discover that Kit, unlike Lana, was still a decent human being and went and retrieved Sister Jude from the asylum and invited her into his home. While the gesture was nice and all seeing Kit and Jude play happy family was difficult to comprehend having watched what had happened between these two throughout the season. Not to mention Kit's alien spawn, who not only took Jude into the forest and inexplicably healed her crazy before her death, but who also abduct Kit right before his own death of pancreatic cancer. His children are now a neurosurgeon and a lawyer, respectively, and apparently this is all the closure audiences are going to get from that alien storyline. Lana also took time to take down Cardinal Timothy Howard by exposing his knowledge of Dr. Arden's experiments at the asylum, and while I understand the need for Lana to put a face to the crimes that went on at Briarcliff, Howard wasn't all that bad, and I don't see why his life ended in a suicide, while characters like Jude and even Lana herself got very happy endings. The final standoff between Lana and her son Bloody Face Jr. was underwhelming, Lana was able to convince Johnny that she really does love him and is sorry, but Lana has become such a different character from the one we met at the beginning of the season that when she shoots her son in the head it's not all that shocking that she has done so.

Rating: 2/5

True Blood Recap and Review (5.7: In the Beginning)

After Sookie's outburst at the end of last week's episode, because she discovered that her parents were killed by vampires, she awakens in the faerie club after being examined by Claude and his sister. They inform her and Jason that she is only half-faerie and that she needs to be careful how she uses her powers, because she could run out. Although why the faeries are suddenly so concerned with Sookie and whether or not she keeps her powers is beyond me. The next day, Jason brings her breakfast in bed, and tells her not to feel responsible for their parents death, which of course is exactly what someone is going to do when you tell them not to. She goes and visits Luna in hospital and brings her flowers, but what she really wants is to have a hypothetical conversation with Sam in which she asks him if he had the opportunity to be human, would be take it. I suppose that the writers had to show Sookie debating over whether or not she should try and remove her faerie half and her powers in the process, but there was never really any debate. After everything Sookie's been through, of course she'd want to get rid of her powers (although, yes, she is extremely naive in thinking that getting rid of them at this stage of her life will benefit her at all. She's too far in, I'm afraid.) Anyway, after an episode of deep thought (don't strain yourself Sookie) she dramatically begins to expel light form her hands in an attempt to drain her powers outside her house.

Russell's imminent return and escape is what True Blood fans have been waiting for this entire season, but unfortunately this is paired with what has to be one of the shows nonsensical plots, as it continues to spiral into complete and unnecessary craziness. It starts off well: Roman is dead, and the the Authority goes into lock down, the lights are cut, the everyone panics. Immediately guards storm the room and subdue Russell with a silver net. Bill and Eric are taken back into captivity, and as they ponder who used them to find and bring Russell to the Authority to kill Roman, Salome summons them. In her chambers they find not only Nora, who pleads with Eric to forgive her, but Russell as well, who claims he has been reborn and found faith in Lilith. Salome reveals she dug Russell up (Really? True Blood fans had no idea) because he was the only vampire powerful enough to kill Roman. Apparently there was some important reason why she or Nora couldn't do it, and it made absolutely no sense whatsoever. Now that Salome's running things she wants to share their power with everyone, but having been used and all, Bill and Eric aren't interested. She invites them to a ceremony the following night anyway, and surprise, surprise they agree to go. At the ceremony, Russell continues to praise Lilth, and Salome tells the other members of the Authority that they didn't evolve from humans as Roman believed, but from Lilith, and that her blood wasn't meant to be kept sacred, but rather shared and that they should all drink Lilith's blood. Chancellor Dieter says that that is blasphemy, and Russell decapitates him. No one else in dumb enough to refuse, so they all drink her blood, including Bill and Eric, who can't see the harm in playing along, and the horribleness begins. While for the sake of the story Bill and Eric needed to be there, for the entire season they've been extremely susceptible and passive in every situation they've been in, even when it's been against their better judgement. It was so annoying because after Roman's death they were free, why did they have to stick around? The group, high on Lilith's blood, roam the streets in a drunk like state, only stopping to intimidate a cab driver that honks at them with their fangs. They crash karaoke at an engagement party and proceed to kill all the attendees. On the stage, a drop of blood hits the ground and  a nude, blood-drenched woman appears: Lilith. She walks over to Nora and releases a red mist from her mouth, which hits Nora and makes her continue to forcibly feed on a human; the other vampires act similarly. And if things weren't bizarre enough, Godric, Eric's deceased maker, appears as a ghost to tell his progeny that Eric knows what he is doing is wrong, but that he has to convince Nora so. Eric looks over to her and Lilith has vanished. The religious overtones of the Authority storyline annoyed me from the beginning, especially because similar themes were dealt with in season two, but now it's just plain stupid. Who knows what Lilith's plans are, but at this stage I don't really care, because everything up until this point of the season hasn't made all that much sense. I doubt her sudden but inevitable appearance will actually reveal  or justify anything meaningful in terms of plot, and I just want to say, as Eric did early on in the episode: 'Fuck you, bible bangers.' Despite all this Russell remains awesome, and I so hope that he was only pretending to praise Lilith in an attempt to bide his time and come up with a plan to escape (although I have no doubt he too was under the influence of her blood).

At the weapons store, deputy Kevin questions Andy about Junior's death, while Sam uses his acute sense of smell to sniff out clues (I smell a spin-off!). Sam tells Kenya, another officer, to open a box he finds sicne she has gloves on. When she opens it, they find it full of the Obama masks the shooters have been using. I'm really liking Sam investigating/ hunting down these supe killers, plus he doing a way better job than Andy. After a long period of doing nothing in particular his character seems to have found a real purpose and energy, and it shows in the storyline. Meanwhile, Andy visits the previous sheriff, Bud, because he's concerned that he's not doing a good job (you made Jason Stackhouse one of your deputies Andy, do you think you're doing a good job?). Bud however, is too busy cheating on his wife to care. Similarly, Hoyt seems to have instantaneously stopped caring about Jessica now that he's drinking beers with his new hate group friends. Hoyt tells them how much support he feels they've given him even though he only met them half-an-hour earlier, and the just generally discuss how supernatural beings ruin everything until one of them gets a call from their leader named 'Dragon' (how dangerously mysterious) telling them that Junior has been killed. In an attempt to avenge their fallen comrade, the group decide to go out on another mission, and invite Hoyt along with a throw of an Obama mask. I'm honestly starting to wonder how I ever liked Hoyt, he's become such a shadow of his former self unfortunately. At the hospital, a nurse tells Sam visiting hours are over. As he goes to leave he catches the smell of one of the supe killers he picked up from the weapons store. He's disguised as an orderly and Sam chases him down, knocks him to the floor and punches him in the face.

In a barn, Alcide and Nikki train, and Alcide tells her he's prepared to lose against JD in his fight to become packmaster. She suggests using vampire blood to even the playing field, but Alcide angrily refuses. The pair start kissing, but are interrupted by Martha who tells Alcide that JD denied taking vampire blood, and that it's JD's turn to be packmaster considering he had enough respect to allow Marcus to be alpha after Marcus' father died. Later, JD tells the pack that his vampire friend (Russell) told him that the end of days is coming, a fight between humans and vampires. JD tells them they should join the vampires and that the only way they will trust them is to drink Russell's blood. A female wolf agrees and drink a vial, and Emma tells JD she's scared. He offers her another vial, telling her it will make her strong, but Martha walks in as he does so, taking Emma away. We weren't given much from Alcide this week, but Nikki could be developed into an interesting character, and Martha would be very fun to see as a woman scorned. Also, I'm straight, but Alcide and Nikki rolling on the ground, well there's a two perfect looking people having fun for you.

When Lafayette's mother Ruby-Jean told him last week that he had to go and safe Jesus from Don Bartolo, his grandfather, I rolled my eyes. However, the storyline was relativity painless and definitely entertaining. Layette returned to Jesus's family home to find Jesus' severed head with his mouth sewn shut (so that's who took his body, thanks for finally clearing that up, True Blood). Bartolo confronts Layaette with a gun and reveals he used Jesus head to lure him there, so that his family can take back the powers Jesus gave him. Later, Layette has been tied to a chair and has had mouth sewn shut (I would have loved to have seen that happen, it would have made things a lot more scarier). Bartolo begins a ritual that is somehow supposed to transfer Layette's power into his wife's girlfriend. Just as Bartolo started to cut Lafayette, his pregnant girlfriend  rose from behind him and stabbed him to death, and then proceeded to cut Lafayette's lips free. I have no idea where this is going, But I feel Lafayette going to feel indebted to this pregnant lady, and her hopefully not too evil future spawn.

At Fangtasia, Tara, previously failing at being a successfully bartender, is now a pole dancer for Pam. I hoped at the beginning of this season that Tara's resurgence as a vampire was going to be the well needed transformation her character needed, but unfortunately, it's done the opposite. Whereas, I used to dislike Tara for her constant complaining and hypocrisy, at least she stood up for herself and did something about it when she didn't like the way she was being treated. Now she's just Pam's immortal slave, and watching Tara, who has eternally been True Blood's punching bag, enthusiastically shake her stuff fro Fangtasia's patrons was just plain sad. Her mother, Lettie Mae, arrives to tell Tara that because she's a minister's wife that she cannot have a vampire for a daughter, and that she has come to say goodbye. I seriously doubt Tara would have gone to any effort to seek out her mother before this, but knowing that her being a vampire threatens her mother's happiness, Tara shows her her fangs and threateningly tells her that she'll be seeing her again. Overhearing their conversation, Pam smiles proudly at Tara's response. Unfortunately, not only is Tara been continually mistreated, but Pam had been stuck with her all season, and given nothing but the reluctant maternal mother to play. She finds Tara crying over her mother's visit in her office and Pam tells her that Lettie Mae is no longer her mother now that she's a vampire, and that in a hundred years Tara would have forgotten about her. Tara quickly hugs her, but Pam ruins the moment by telling her to get back on the pole. Pam was fast becoming my favourite character on True Blood before this season, but the way she interacts with Tara has become painfully predictable. Every episode this season Pam offers Tara some sentimental motherly advice, realises what she's doing, and then proceeds to act like a complete bitch to compensate for her momentary lapse of character.

Arlene cries as she watches her wedding video at Merlotte's. Holly comes in to comfort her and tells her that her and Terry could always work things out, but Arlene says he's crazy. Holly reminds her that Arlene can't really be sceptical, this is Bon Temps after all. I enjoyed watching Terry and Arlene's wedding video, considering we missed originally. I'm so annoyed of Arlene though, she's such a hypocrite, and most people wouldn't have needed a 'why don't you think again speech' from Holly the witch to realise something supernatural might actually be happening. Duh! Anyway, the Irift was still after Patrick and Terry, and it looks like it will be for some time, deciding it would rather appear and laugh at them, making fun of their impending death, than actually killing them. Why won't it put us and them out of our misery's? Terry tries to kill himself with Patrick's gun, but Patrick convinces him that he wouldn't want his kids thinking he gave up on them. Wasn't much to this plot this week, but it still manages to be the most uninestering and unimportant one going around.

A drunken Jason arrives at Jessica's mansion looking for some consoling after the discovery about his parents death, unaware that she had a male snack bleeding from a thigh upstairs. Jessica tries to convicne him of the goodness of some vampires by making out with him, but it didn't work so well with some guys thoigh blood still on her lips. Jason then yells at Jessica and tells her she's no different from the vampire that killed his parents. Angrily she bites down on Jason's neck and Jason then shoots her in the head. They both quickly heal, and he storms out. Well Jason you can't have it both ways, either you hate vampires, or you don't, and you can't have one for your best friend if you do. And isn't Jessica sick of stringing him along already? Does she have any self-control, and if so, why doesn't she let Jason go? He's better without her and she knows it. Anyway, from outside Jessica's Jason sees Sookie going all flashes of light and runs to investigate her emotional outburst.

Rating: 2/5

Snow White and the Huntsman Review

When Snow White's (Kristen Stewart) mother, the Queen Eleanor of Tabor, dies, her father King Magnus (Noah Huntley) goes into a deep depression. During this time he is forced to confront an army that threatens his kingdom. After the dark army, consisting of glass soldiers, is defeated the King and his men discover a prisoner, Ravenna (Charlize Theron), amongst their ruins. Instantly enchanted, Magnus marries her the next day. On their wedding night Ravenna reveals herself as a sorceress, who, after been spurned by powerful men in the past, kills the King and takes his Kingdom. As Ravennas guards storm the castle Snow White tries to escape with Duke Hammond (Vincent Regan) and his son William (Sam Calfin), but she is captured by Ravenna's brother Finn (Sam Spruell), and locked away in a tower in the castle.

Many years later, Ravenna continues to maintain her youthful beauty through using her dark magic to drain youth out of young women. When Snow White comes of age, Ravenna learns from her Magic Mirror that Snow White is destined to destroy her unless Ravenna consumes the young girl's heart which will make her immortal. She sends Finn to retrieve her, and she escapes the castle into the dark forest Ravenna asks Eric (Chris Hemsworth), a widower huntsman who has survived the dark forest, to return her to the kingdom in exchange for Ravenna using her powers to bring back his dead wife, to which he agrees.

The main problem with the film stems from the fact the story of Snow White has become so familiar to audiences that even with significant changes, the basic plot remains the same, making for dull viewing. Naturally, the huntsman discovers Ravenna's offer to be baseless and he helps Snow White on her journey through the dark forest, and other enchanted lands, before leading her to Hammond castle to find an army that will help stop Ravenna. While the film looks beautiful and the special effects are stunning, especially where Ravenna and the Magic Mirror are involved, they do little to enhance the tedious plot. Various mystical animals are thrown in to liven things up and audiences are treated with dark monsters, fairies, and yes, of course, dwarfs, but again, they all just seem unnecessary, as if they're used to fill up time.

Stewart is an adequate lead and Hemsworth brings some emotional depth to the huntsman. Theron is given the very difficult task of trying to humanise the evil Ravenna, but her character's motivation is weak and not fully developed, resulting in a lot of what are supposedly meant to be terrifying outbursts from the sorceress, which only come across as melodramatic. Similarly, the same problem occurs in Spruell's character Finn. A major staple of the story, the dwarf's, are underused and initially come off as not at all likable. While they are intended to add some much needed humour and emotion into the film, their introduction and development leaves much to be desired and they ultimately end up being quite forgettable in the scheme of the film.

Despite a solid cast, and a wonderfully dark looking world that has been created within Snow White and the Huntsman, the plot of the well-used story fails to offer anything new and exciting for audiences.

Rating: 2/5

True Blood Recap & Review (5.4: We'll Meet Again)

Sookie's not in a good way, and it's one of the few plots I'm interested in on True Blood at the moment. Lafayette gives her some harsh truths after she reveals to Alcide she killed Debbie, but her attempt to repent by also confessing her crimes to Jason, of course, don't end up in her being punished. The citizens of Bon Temps try their best to make her feel super guilty about turning Tara into a vampire with their super hateful thoughts, but Lafayette's demon alter-ego seems to hate her the most when he puts some mojo on Sookie's car so when she hops in it and starts driving the gas pedal decides to go full-throttle. Of course, she manages to jump out of the car before it crashes into a pole, providing the most exciting moment in an otherwise boring episode. It's not all bad for Sookie though, Jessica overhears her conversation with Jason and glamours Andy into forgetting Debbie's case (if only True Blood could glamour it's viewers into thinking they don't just magic away plots whenever they went). Annoyingly loyal Alcide also helps Sookie out by telling Debbie's parents that Marcus killed Debbie, and that he killed Marcus in retaliation. Well at least he was only half-lying. Not only that, but Sookie also gets to have a drunken make out session with the werewolf when he comes to tell her his good deed. Too bad Bill and Eric, who jealously decide to use Sookie in their attempt to find Russell (hurry up Denis O'Hare, and make this show awesome again).

So while Bill and Eric were freed from the boringness that is The Authority at the beginning of the episode, it looks like they were paying too much attention as to how their vampire overlords like to do things and decided to act extremely boring themselves. The very amateur investigators decide to confront Pam, who was the one other person to know about Russell's hole in the ground other than them an Alcide. Pam has just returned from child troubles of her own, having saved Tara from death by tanning booth. Eric is unnecessarily mean to Pam, Pam continues to become increasingly annoying in her devotion to Eric, and neither Bill nor Eric seemed the slightest bit phased that Tara was now a vampire. It's turns out to be a case or being cruel to be kind, when Eric tells Pam later on that either The Authority or Russell will kill him, and he wants her as her progeny to live on. He releases her from their blood bond, and it's a whole much of seriousness, sappiness and crying. Meanwhile, Bill searches his house for bugs, him and Eric having concluded that if neither of them told anyone else of Russell whereabouts, that someone must have overheard them. Jessica is helping him, and she's aware something serious is going on with Bill, but he refuses to tell her. She tries to convince him to go see Sookie, and he tells her that she that he did a good job as her Maker and that she should look after herself. These vampire family moments are all exactly the same... boring. Jessica seems to have surpassed Bill, but for Pam, unfortunately, Tara is as stubborn as ever and refuses to drink a human she offers her (the only in-character thing Tara does all episode). But again, vampire powers solve everyone's problems and Pam forces her to drink.

The Authority, as usual, are having vampire problems of their own. Roman decides Nora is still withholding information about the Sanguinistas and he asks Salome to help in retrieving it from her. After threatening her with the true death and failing, Roman offers Nora Bill and Eric's safety in return for her revealing who the real leader of the Sanguinistas is, to which she agrees. Later, Roman confronts the other members of The Authority and reveals Alexander as another traitor. He plays a video of Alexander feeding on a human, and Alexander tries to plead his case, but Roman tells the other members that the video has been sent to all of the Authority's enemies and kills him. With the most annoying member of The Authority dead, Roman says there will be no more rebellion or opposition to his cause and they will all fall in line. Yeah, like that's going to happen.

Despite being glamoured to forget Debbie's case, Andy continues to try and be a good sheriff by agreeing to that night on the town Judge Clements offered him in exchange her making his sons speeding fine disappear. The Judge also invites Jason along. Judge Clements arrives at the station later on in a limousine pull of beautiful women. Although they all have bags placed over there heads Andy and Jason don't seem to put up much of a fight. They're lead to a field and then through a portal into a nightclub in the fairy world, where Andy once again meets Maurella the fairy. That's not the only recognizable face there though, as Jason sees his cousin Natalie. Jason tells her that Sookie is alive and Natalie is glad then asks if Jason was a refugee from vampires. He says no, then realizes he's in a fairy safe house from all the vampires. Natalie says they should get Sookie before she gets killed by vampires just like Jason and Sookie's parents were. Natalie mutters that she's said too much and leaves once Layda tells her to. Jason tries to catch up to her, but other fairies attempt to stop him. Andy intervenes and tries to help Jason. Both are kicked out of the fairy safe house. When they look around and realize they were in the middle of a field, Andy warns Jason of the two male fairies in front of them. Andy and Jason screams as they are hit with a beam of light from both fairies, which of course will make them forget everything.

Unfortunately, Terry seems more concerned with remembering is past rather than forgetting it. While he and Patrick are on route to South Dakota on their search for Brian Eller, their old navy buddy, Terry has nightmares about his time in Iraq. He and his fellow soldiers were acting incompetent, innocent civilians got killed, boring. Later on they search Eller's barn at night and notice a hidden opening below. They both go down, they see pictures taken and drawn of homes on fire. Eller then appears aiming a shotgun at both of them, and hopefully he will put Terry, Patrick and this annoying storyline out of its misery.

At Merlotte's, Sam sees Suzanne and Emory, two of his former shape shifting friends who beg him to shift and run with them again. Sam agrees, but later that night when he goes to meet them he finds them shot dead.

A very slow week on True Blood, basically undoing any excitement I may have held for the future of the show after the end of last week's episode. I don't think The Authority and Bill and Eric could move at a slower pace if they tried. I love where Sookie's at at the moment, but the way in which Marcus's and Debbie's deaths have just being tied up in a neat little bow annoys me a lot. Hopefully Sookie can improve Bill and Eric's situation next time. The fairies always hold promise, but they failed dismally last time they were used on the show, and I don't want to get my hopes up. The same goes for Sam's storylines, I want to get excited, but what's the bet it just means the werewolves are back?

Rating: 2/5